By: Mason Blake
In Lost in the Reflecting Pool: Surviving Narcissistic Abuse and Finding the Freedom to Heal, author Diane Pomerantz crafts a deeply introspective memoir that often reads with the emotional cadence and psychological precision of a novel. At its heart, the book stands as a moving testament to survival, not only from cancer but also from the quiet, consuming devastation of emotional abuse. The expanded second edition enhances its resonance by incorporating elements of self-help, though it is far from prescriptive. Instead, it invites readers into the murky waters of memory, trauma, and ultimately, transformation.
Pomerantz, a clinical psychologist by training, began writing Lost in the Reflecting Pool not with an eye toward publication, but as a cathartic act—an attempt to process the trauma she experienced during her marriage and the life circumstances that led her to that relationship. “Through the process of writing and reflection, I gradually gained enough distance from the events to develop a broader understanding of what had actually happened,” she says. This interplay between introspection and narrative clarity is what gives the book its raw authenticity and emotional depth.
Despite its roots in real events, Lost in the Reflecting Pool often feels closer to fiction than memoir, pulsing with vivid immediacy—a stylistic decision that came naturally to Pomerantz. “Many readers have mentioned that the book reads like a novel, and although it is a memoir, I’ve written it with the principles of fiction,” she notes. Unfamiliar with the term at the time, she now recognizes that her approach aligns closely with autofiction—a literary genre that blends autobiography with the storytelling tools of fiction.
The book’s central metaphor—the reflecting pool—evolved alongside the narrative, carrying layered meanings that reflect the complexity of the author’s journey. Initially titled Scheherazade’s Cancer, the book alluded to the mythic storyteller of One Thousand and One Nights, whose life depended on her ability to tell stories. Pomerantz explains that at the time, “It felt like a statement that I must tell my story or else I will die…from cancer or at my husband’s hand.”
But as the memoir progressed, she discovered a deeper truth. “I came to understand I had lost my voice,” she says. “In many ways, I was more like the nymph Echo in Ovid’s myth Narcissus and Echo… I was truly lost in the reflecting pool of the narcissist.” This mythic allusion captures the disorienting and silencing nature of emotional abuse, in which a partner’s sense of reality can be gradually eroded through manipulation, gaslighting, and control.
The reflective pool also serves as a symbol of self-examination and healing. “Over time, it became clear through the process of writing that it was the reflective portion that fostered personal growth,” she says. As the protagonist—Pomerantz herself—gains distance from her experiences, she is eventually able to integrate what she intellectually “knows” with her emotional truths. This alignment between head and heart often serves as the pivot point upon which recovery can hinge.
Such personal transformation is rarely linear. Pomerantz’s journey was painstakingly slow and deeply layered. She recalls rewriting the first three chapters over a period of fifteen years, a time during which she balanced parenting, professional work, and ongoing therapy. To gain sufficient detachment from her trauma, she initially fictionalized her life, changing her name and adding a fictional third child. “There’s more to that decision,” she adds, “but it helped me move forward with the story.”
Balancing the past with the present is another recurring theme in Lost in the Reflecting Pool. For Pomerantz, writing became both a tool and a witness. She journaled extensively and shared her writing within a community of writers, which provided perspective and emotional clarity. Therapy, a natural extension of her identity as a psychologist, further supported her healing. “These elements played a significant role in the journey,” she affirms.
Ultimately, Lost in the Reflecting Pool is not just about surviving a narcissistic relationship or enduring the fear of cancer. It is about reclaiming a voice, reconstructing an identity, and giving narrative shape to experiences that are often dismissed or misunderstood. The emotional resonance of the memoir illustrates the power of storytelling—not just as a means of escape, as in Scheherazade’s tales, but as a path to liberation.
For readers navigating the confusing terrain of emotional abuse or seeking to make sense of their own complex histories, Diane Pomerantz’s work offers not definitive answers, but a mirror—inviting them to look deeply into their own reflecting pools and perhaps begin, as she did, to find their way back to themselves.
Lost in the Reflecting Pool: Surviving Narcissistic Emotional Abuse is available in paperback and eBook formats through major retailers, including Amazon, Barnes & Noble, and independent bookstores.
Published by Jeremy S.
