Getting others to say “yes” can feel like a challenge, especially when you’re trying to persuade or negotiate. But what if there was a way to make agreement feel natural and effortless? The key lies in using incremental questions—small, strategic steps that guide the conversation toward a positive outcome. By building agreement gradually, you can create a sense of alignment and make it easier for others to say “yes.” Let’s explore how this approach works, why it’s effective, and how you can use it in your everyday interactions.

The idea behind incremental questions is simple: start with small, easy-to-agree points and gradually work your way toward the bigger ask. This approach taps into the psychological principle of consistency. When people agree to something small, they’re more likely to continue agreeing as the conversation progresses. It’s like laying down stepping stones—each “yes” builds momentum and makes the next one easier.

For example, imagine you’re trying to convince a colleague to support a new project. Instead of jumping straight into the big request, you might start by asking, “Do you agree that improving our team’s efficiency is important?” This is a question most people would say “yes” to. Once they agree, you can follow up with, “Would you be open to exploring new tools that could help us achieve that?” By the time you get to the main request—“Can we schedule a meeting to discuss this new project?”—they’re already in agreement mode and more likely to say “yes.”

This approach works because it reduces resistance. When you start with a big ask, people might feel overwhelmed or defensive. But when you break it down into smaller, more manageable steps, it feels less intimidating. Each “yes” creates a sense of alignment and makes the other person feel like they’re part of the process, not just being pushed into a decision.

Another benefit of incremental questions is that they help you understand the other person’s perspective. By starting with smaller questions, you can gauge their level of interest, address any concerns, and tailor your approach accordingly. For example, if someone hesitates on a smaller question, you can clarify or adjust your strategy before moving forward. This makes the conversation more collaborative and increases the chances of a positive outcome.

So, how can you use incremental questions effectively? Start by identifying the main goal or request you want to achieve. Then, think about the smaller steps or ideas that lead up to it. These should be points that most people would agree with, even if they’re not fully on board with the bigger idea yet. For instance, if you’re trying to persuade a friend to join you on a weekend trip, you might start with, “Don’t you think it’s important to take a break and recharge sometimes?” Once they agree, you can follow up with, “Wouldn’t it be fun to explore a new place together?” By the time you ask, “How about we plan a trip this weekend?” they’re already thinking positively about the idea.

Timing and tone are also important when using incremental questions. You want to create a natural flow in the conversation, not make it feel like an interrogation. Use a friendly, conversational tone and give the other person time to respond. If they seem hesitant, don’t push—instead, ask follow-up questions to understand their concerns and address them. For example, if someone agrees that taking a break is important but seems unsure about the weekend trip, you might ask, “What’s holding you back?” This shows that you’re listening and willing to work with them.

Incremental questions are especially useful in negotiations or sales situations. For example, if you’re trying to close a deal, you might start by asking, “Do you agree that this product could solve your problem?” Once they say “yes,” you can follow up with, “Would you be interested in seeing how it works?” By the time you get to the final question—“Can we move forward with the purchase?”—they’ve already agreed to the value of the product and are more likely to say “yes.”

This approach also works well in personal relationships. For instance, if you’re trying to get your partner to agree to a new household rule, you might start with, “Do you think it’s important for us to keep the house clean?” Once they agree, you can follow up with, “Would you be open to trying a new system to make it easier?” By the time you suggest the specific rule, they’re already on board with the idea.

One of the keys to success with incremental questions is to be genuine. If the other person feels like you’re manipulating them, they’re likely to resist. Instead, focus on creating a real connection and understanding their needs. Ask questions that show you care about their perspective and are willing to work together toward a solution. This builds trust and makes the other person more likely to say “yes.”

It’s also important to be flexible. Not every conversation will go exactly as planned, and that’s okay. If the other person disagrees with one of your smaller points, don’t force it—instead, explore their concerns and adjust your approach. The goal is to create a sense of agreement, not to win an argument.

Using incremental questions is a powerful way to build agreement and get others to say “yes.” By starting with small, easy-to-agree points and gradually working your way toward the bigger ask, you can reduce resistance, create alignment, and make the other person feel like they’re part of the process. Whether you’re negotiating, persuading, or just having a conversation, this approach can help you achieve your goals while maintaining positive relationships. So the next time you want someone to say “yes,” try starting small and building agreement step by step. It’s a simple but effective strategy that can make a big difference.